Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Gift of Insecurity...

The other day I went to one of my favorite sites, the Osho Zen website to get a quick divination and the words read: ‎"...Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow."...The reading was so right on for me. I find myself at times staring at the life in front of me - looking at the accomplishments, the treasures, the "good" and "bad" of it, however lately this life has been feeling much like a blank slate. I spent a lot of 2010 unlearning, unraveling limitations that I have clung to for so long...Some parts of this process was easy cause "...the shit was tired and old...", yet other parts were more difficult. Some belief systems shake your very foundation. When faced with those moments one can decide to cling to what is familiar and secure or face that in the unknown may be even a greater treasure - a greater life.

For a long time I use to have dreams of being chased by a crazy person who wanted to kill me. In the dream, I was in a house, desperately trying to survive. It felt real- I am sure that my heart was beating fast in my sleep. Once I started to trust myself and honor myself I noticed that the dreams lessen and the last time I had the dream I did something different - I decided to fight the person - this symbol of fears. The house was the symbol for my life.

Funny, how a dream can teach you much about life. Many of us live in a nightmare of comfort...We have built a reality - a life that we accept 'as is'. As long as life does not change we find ease in the predictability of it all yet there is a hunger that starts with a quiet pang then it grows to a growl and when that is not satisfied the hunger turns to longing. I find in those moments one can invite anything into life - any drama to help take your mind off the void.

As I think of the new year that is upon me - I wish to reach for the unknown as my guide pass limitation. I am deciding to face the danger to being BIGGER, more POWERFUL, MORE DYNAMIC even at the risk of disrupting the comfort of relationships that assume I would never wish to achieve such heights...


charis said...

Sis. That is the most fulfilling post that I read. That is actually what's happening in my life. I had to listen to Bob Marley and Capelton this week to just get re- booted on a natural unknown territory strength this week. I am having problems at my job and I am the quiet type. I said to my self enough is enough. I must chase these crazy baldheads out of town. Really meaning in my life. I must do something about it. Tell the Director and CEO of the company the real situation. I must not live in fear. After all who know after this I might just come out the winner. I have been praying, chanting and knowing the the conquering lion of the tribe of judah shall break ever chain. A symbolof Great Strength, I reflect on that thought.

Lot's of Afrikan Love,