Tuesday, January 8, 2008


There are many factors that can lead to a Sistah deciding to leave an abusive relationship. It is sometimes a choice that requires a lot of time to process. For me if was very agonizing to realize that my relationship was not going to work - I had this tape in my mind that the Afrikan family was the most important institution and that rough times were just part of the process. As I played that tape everyday - my spirit was fading away - I was depressed- immobile - I often just sat by the window looking outside. I was in so much denial I could not really figure out what was wrong with me. I remember being told "you have a husband who is of **this profession**, you live in this great house on a lake, you don't have to work - you need to just be grateful and move on..." I actually took this on and tried - really tried to be "grateful" and I couldn't move. It was like I was dying a slow death. I think many people can only visualize an abuser as an unemployed bum with dirt under his nails and a beer belly -while this could fit the description of some, men with various educational, economic and professional backgrounds are abusers. Just because someone is a lawyer, a judge, a minister, a doctor or ceo does not mean they are above abuse - in fact many of these abusers have more access to controlling their victims - they can hire private detectives to find them and use their professional clout to discredit their victims and win "friends".
Leaving is a BIG STEP and a choice ONLY YOU CAN MAKE. Many factors can delay leaving- like children, finances and availability of immediate shelter. A Sistah has to think of all of the options and make a plan. A plan is the best way to protect yourself and keep yourself safe. Seek out counseling and get advice. Below are some websites that outline a plan for leaving. If you have to leave right away - have an emergency plan and a small bag with an extra car key, a little cash, change of clothing (for children, too), copies of important documents, medication, phone numbers, etc... Keep the bag hidden but accessible. Also, have a place to go - a friend's house, a family member's home, motel or if need - go to a police station - they are bound by law to help you.

DAY 31 (write it down, meditate on it and journal your thoughts)
31. God/The Creator is lavish, unfailing Abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the Universe. This all providing Source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me — the Reality of me.