Monday, April 21, 2008

Falling In Love Again...


Picture: Selina Fenech
A few mornings ago I woke up feeling sensual - feeling sensations that I would have recalled in the past as sexual...
I am not about to get "freaky" on you but I am trying to describe this feeling. I have not had this feeling before although it felt familiar... It reminded me of an love from a distant past but still it was different. The more I tried to link this feeling to him the more it was not him.
All that day I found this energy that I woke up with made me smile all day...it was very ecstatic. Now I will be honest - I kept wondering if was just me wanting to experience love again. Then it was as if the Ancestors spoke to me in a flash - I heard, "Its is you. This "feeling" is what it is like to be in love with yourself." WOW!!! After hearing for so long that before you can love, you have to love yourself- and INTELLECTUALLY understanding it, I finally knew how it felt. It is not just sexual but it is that feeling of butterflies, satisfaction, excitement, peace and ecstasy all wrapped up in one. The feeling of deep knowingness- of love that is complete. I use to think that this was something I could get from someone else. When that hit came from the Ancestors I knew that I had found TRUE LOVE. It does not have to do with how I look or something superficial - it was more about my final realization of self acceptance....of connection with my cosmic flow...the tapping into the heart energy that is connected to the core light of this earth. It feels beautiful, safe and pure.
Peace,
Sistah C

5 comments:

JJ said...

Hmm...

That's one way of looking at things. I've been in a ridiculously good mood myself lately. Not because everything in my life is Peachy but because I am genuinely happy with myself, my life and my life's decisions. It feels good. I don't know if I think of it as being "in love with myself" but whatever it is, this feeling of euphoria and happiness, I am eternally grateful for it.

Sistah C said...

Hey JJ,
Yes, it is a wonderful feeling that I am truly grateful for...For me it is a new found love for myself after being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Could I love myself even more - probably but for now it is all good.
Peace,
Sistah C

K. Koje said...

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! From a perspective of someone who also has been in abusive relationships, and abusive relationships do include parents,who quite often start the cycle, I can tell you truthfully that arriving at self love-finally-is the most important triumph in your life. Congratulations. It is the lack of self-love, often hidden in ways not readily apparent in our psyches before that first bad relationship that attracts it to you. It is the reason some of us fall into the trap over and over again.

Finding that magical moment is a very, very precious thing. With it you can rest assured that you will not attract abuse again. I my own personal effort, I had to begin to see myself as I would my child. Is this what I would want for a tender , sweet baby? Then why would I allow it in my life from someone else? When we love ourselves as if we were our own children, loving ourselves as if we were doting parents, there is zero tolerance for the kind of insanity that parades itself as love. Peace and blessings!

Sistah C said...

Hey Ken,
I like the idea of seeing oneself as a tender baby and asking if this would be right for a baby...It is in these moments of sharing that I get so much clarity. Thanks for your thoughts.
Peace,
Sistah C

K. Koje said...

Sistah C: You are a very special and very blessed baby in the arms of our universal mother. Anytime you feel you can't give yourself that love, that comfort and shelter that you felt in your earthly mother's arms, close your eyes and feel it. It never ever leaves us. It just gets drowned out by all the noise. And yes! Noise is tactile, noise is visual, noise is emotional, as well as auditory.

Your brother K. Koje reaches through time and space to wrap long, loving spirit arms around you...twice!