Monday, March 15, 2010

DAY 15: LOVE FEST -Healing From Abuse

artist, Rochelle Carr
artist, Rochell Carr

Sistahs, how have you been on this LOVE FEST? Are you still continuing on? Around this time we settle down from the excitement and fullness of LOVE. It is right around this time in a 40 Day process that you bump up against something that doesn't feel so loving. It could be a trigger from something someone recently done or said to you. It sets off a series of feelings and thoughts about WHY you don't always feel a love for yourself.

For me healing is like that - the honeymoon of feeling good then the reminder of why I was needing the healing in the beginning! So, SiSTARS I am going to put it all out there...I often wonder about what was inside of me that made it acceptable to have less than respectful relationships in my life AND I realize that it was something that was modeled for me. My abuse with my ex-husband was not the first abuse I had experienced - in fact I also experienced childhood abuse.

The funny thing about abuse is that people spend a tremendous amount of energy and time making sure that it is hidden. They don't want air the family's "dirty laundry" or admit that the family is experiencing serious issues - not only to people outside the family but to people WITHIN the family. I have experienced families where everyone has nice degrees, fancy houses, cars, high level jobs, etc...yet everyone is 'crazy' from abuse. It is easy to believe that someone who is crack addicted has problems that link to abuse but what about an angry, vindictive Sistah who sits by you at work with the PhD? Often times, victims of abuse use the outward signs of high functioning to disguise an abusive past...So, we have to put aside the judgment of who has experienced abuse.

I am a dangerous type of Sistah cause I will talk about abuse - I will put it ALL out there cause I want to be FREE! I may take some time to process my experience because part of my recovery is learning to trust my intuition and judgment but I tell you - I am done with abusive people and abusive situations. I LOVE myself just that much that I don't feel obligated to take any person's abusive or disrespectful behavior. The only 'person' I answer to is God/Goddess. I don't care if someone is a family member, a co-worker, a priestess/priest, a high ranking official - I am not going to take abuse. So, this is where we stop the cycle. We first don't allow it to take place and we don't allow it to hide.

Sistahs, so many of us are dealing with abuse or have dealt with it in the past. So many of us have people who should have been trusted to care for us when we were small who just couldn't and wouldn't do it. Abuse is a terrible cycle that continues if left un-checked. It is not only physical - it can be mental and Spiritual, too.

Healing from an abusive past is challenging AND it CAN BE DONE. First you have to see that you are worthy of Divine Happiness and Divine Freedom. Second, you work to eliminate toxic relationships from your life. It is ok to choose who will be in your life. From there just work on Self Love and Self Forgiveness. I ask the Spirit World to help me heal. I focus on peace within and without and after a while I can see "a mess" coming from a far distance. I do my best to give people the respect I require them to give me AND I don't take less than what I deserve. Lastly, I am patient with myself - healing can happen quickly but often it take some time.

This LOVE FEST is about cultivating a Self Love that will uplift us to heal all matters of the heart.

Hope this is helpful.

Peace and Light,
Sis. Camara


Soraya said...

ashe. thanks so much for sharing. i to have an abusive many sistah's do and we first need to acknowledge those ugly truism's before we can start the healing process. how we do that is personal and should be at our pace..should be done with love and gentleness. i know i'm not alone and that is a great comfort to me!

haiku #11

sistah my sistah
you are not alone today
learn to love yourself

Misspretty* said...

Thank you so much for that post. I am a work in progress!! I am so blad I ran across this site!!! I find the music healing and your posts stimulating! So keep it up Sistah!

creativehealinggoddess said...

thank you for your honesty and bravery you are a shinning beacon. Yes I have seen a lot of dysfunction in my life which was projected onto my own choice of partner. However in the process of healing I realise how important it is to stand and speak our truth, silence is a disease that we have adopted. It is important to be transparent clear and seen, to be witnessed so I dearly send you gratitude that you both cared to share with us.

Lotus of Wadi Arts said...

Thank you for sharing. Healing from abuse is a difficult process but it makes you so much stronger! I experienced a relationship that was emotionally and verbally abusive and healing from that has been my focus for the past couple of years.

Anonymous said...

Your site has been a blessing to me my sista introduce me to your site (thanks KP)and I have already felt a change in me. This message really hits home and I'm working on me right now and this Love fest is really helping. I am seeing myself for the first time and not someone else's perception of me. I also experience verbal abuse and the healing is a very long process but worth it.

Thanks for your insight you are truly a blessing.